2007

The most ridiculous, absurb sounding & ironic staement of the year - Happy New Year

Last 2 hrs of 2006... Got this feeling the gathering was a wrong decision
2 hrs into 2007 - Indeed a bad choice made

Began the year with the wrong foot, this year is highly unlikely to be a GREAT year. Contrary to the belief, it was not the money issue... really.

It's when you realised people never learn to be punctual at least once, consistently make people wait for you & almost take that for granted. Looking meekly apologetic doesn't work everytime, especially if you do it almost EVERYTIME! It gets really frustrating! Despite years of 'feedbacks', situation didn't change. [For me, I rather you tell me 2hrs before the meeting time that you will be late than U make me wait for an hour! Goodness, have some time management concept. U make thing easier for yourself w/o having to make mad dash & push people's limit.] Seriously, i'm not being mean. Just that this kind of behaviour will seriously handicapp yourself in the future. Oh... I forgot, good looking people always get their ways around. Duh... We are not asking you to do it for us, it's for yourself.

It's when you realised people never learn to show graciousness because of the human selfish & competitive nature, even to people they proclaim dearly. How ironical. Come on, I always thought winning & losing is secondary, what's important is we get to gather. But it's getting more & more meaningless, 有名无实. People get worked up over petty cash or issues! The factors that once binded us has faded, now what's left is an empty shell. Just mere struggling to keep it going for the sake of keeping it going.

It's when you realised people never learn to consider other people's feelings & insisted her drama-mama & almighty ideas on people through insensitive and tactless ways, triumphing her seemingly good fortune & acsension to upper class; all under the illusion that her intentions are for the general good & ways of showing concern. To the degree of interferring other's social circle, whom people she had never come in contact & blatantly assumed her perceptions. It's freakingly obnoxious. Goodness... just because people made mistakes once doesn't mean they make mistakes all the time! You might not realise it but you are actually putting people down al the time. I appreciate the concern you shown to me during my depression times, but one thing I never really told you is you had actually created additional pressure on me then from your good intentions of "you should do this & that". I'm sorry but I have to say this. I knew you meant well but it just express the wrong way.

By 0400hrs, my inner thoughts alarmed me this is the final straw! I admit that it's very easy to push my buttons but I had always keep it well under control. Yesterday's outburst was considered mild, judging that it was accumulated anger. My limits has been pushed to the extreme! I thought I would flared at them, flipped the table & slammed the door before I go. Probably due to I don't really have a chance to do it. It was really very disheartening. Given the choice to decide again, I will still leave or maybe won't attend at all if I knew he was coming. I had initially mentioned that I don't want to go but it was his presume absence (lack of 1 player will be) that I agreed.

It was too much to hold, though I admit exhaustion & hunger play a part too but not much. Even after the 45mins walk home, I can still feel the heat within me. No amount of ice green tea & water can subside. I know I'll be the topic of converastion after my departure. If the conclusion was i'm the sore loser, please think carefully again to see who was the one who has no players' character. I'm not saying i'm a saint or trying to justify for my actions last night. Yes, I did display my anger & displeased. This is undeniable. What I'm trying to get across is make people understand what are the real issues. It's time to lay it all out rather than brooding it and let it go year after year. I'm sure everyone has their accumulated anger because we always discuss it in 3s. When can we ever put the "pride" issue aside and resolve this once and for all?
Please don't say everything is alright or there's nothing wrong & push the issues aside in our self denial. The recurrences of the same issues will be more than you all can handled.

Life is series of lessons. It will continue to hit you until U learn from it.

I hold responsibility to my own words for this is my blog. I'm expecting to left with nothing after this entry. I don't blame anyone & I'm used to it. If this is the result, it just shows that this is meant to be. No point forcing ourselves to struggle with additional inconveniences. Sometimes, it's better to cut it clean than leave it hanging there. I'm the bad guy but it's definitely better than the mentally straining & tortuous 'sandwiched' guy. . .

Disclaimer: This entry was written with residual anger & almost on impluse nature. There's a possibility that the 'personal attacks' might be magnified & main objective be neglected by the non-involves. If this point has view has been set, there's nothing I can do.

做人真的好难! 我只是一个平凡的人，为什么过个简简单单，宁宁静静 的人生都这么难？

I love you girls
but sometimes, circumstances & personalities just make it so difficult.