back 2

LoL... it's been 2 months since my last entry... unfortunately.. nothing has changed. still stressed out... by work, by school, by my wallet...

i think i like to torture myself... working so hard..neglecting supposedly 'impt' stuff... dunno for what... hahaha... even my boss is afraid of my workaholism...

sleeping in class, don't want but i can't help it... not paying attention to family when i know i should... not taking care the way i spend which i know is gonna land in problem one of these days....

like the feeling of stomach rumbling... like the feeling of 'too-many-things-to-do-but-no-time'... like the feeling of being overwhelmed and lost & trying hard for solutions...like the feeling of constant migraine, earache & gastric pain... like to think of death to escape problems... think i'm a sadist.

someone asked if I have thought of changing my thinking... i said maybe not.. actually what i wanted to say was maybe, you can me change if not....

can't wait for this year to end....

return

Ok, i'm back...

recently, everyone has to 'youtwitface' in office. I forgot to remove my blog url on twitter hence gotta resort to 'hide' my blog instead...

I guess coast is clear now >.<

currently am totally stressed out by exams & personal finance disaster...

drop me a note if anyone wants to make some donation to my account

TQ!

Coincidentally, this is my 201st entry.

franglish

I'm so tired!!! but i must blog about this hilarious conversation.

My company favorite intern went for a short trip to m'sia over the weekend. He took an overnight bus back to singapore and looked really exhausted. .. when one cannot focused... they cannot focused.

When my boss told him to help me with something tomorrow, he went, " ok, jacq... let me have a good rest tonight and I can do whatever you want me to do tomorrow...."

I went stunned for 3secs before bursting out in laughter...

Later on... when he was packing up and about to leave... I casually asked "You going back?"
He was like, " You need me?"

HAhAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Oh gosh.... so funny... LOL

believe it or not... i'm neurotic...

i think qi can ascertain my neurotic state of mind...

i know i'm too honest, blunt, too serious, that i offend everyone around me... don't really care.

sometimes i can restrain, be nonchalant, sometimes i just lose control

most of the times i regret the words that came out of my mouth, so?

i just feel people in general cannot take truth right in their face...

just bcos I don't want to 委曲求全 it makes me a bully?!

what a world....

run.... don't run.... ? i want run to the end of the world, is there an end in the first place?

i'm officially broke... penniless... no money to pay school fees.. bills... library fines... running into debts....

so screwed....

do u have this feeling that somehow things always go well for some people while life just sux for u...?

even if their troubles seem so 'perfect'? maybe they have the ability to 拿得起放得下

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why............?

so sianz................ so demoralising... my mental state is not healthy... i bite.

aiya.... i just don't fit in. bleh

movies

it is always this time, whenever there's movies i wanted to catch, that I realized I really don't have many friends...

so far.... i think i only managed to catch one movie myself i think... other than that i resigned to not not watching at all...

definitely not walloping in self-pity, kinda enjoy this somehow... im such a psycho... hahahahaha...

down

i'm feeling a bit disoriented now.... lots of things to do, lots of things to settle, lots of issues to to tackle...

dunno why things end up like this... I SUX at people-people relationship management =(

anyway, i'm officially a mac convert. Got my own macbook.

Selling my 3 month old dell to Qi. I'm so happy that she got a job offer, so happy that things are brightening up for her.

Wish she can rub some of the good fortune on me...

so sianzzzz.... i need to talk and sort.

am i taking things too seriously?

http://flightsq047.blogspot.com/2009/04/wife.html

LoL was reading qi's entry on 'wife'

she was 'grumbling' how come she has yet to find her 'the one' despite the fact that she is equipped with all the 'wife' qualities

LoL

i tot otherwise. I don't think my mum trained us so that we can be better wives of others. it's more like to train our independence so that we DON'T need the others. doubt guys of our age can change lightbulbs or hammer stuff.... minced big charcoal stove and minced 3kg of meat. Hahaha!
one area qi excel in which i totally have no flair in: sewing!!! whahahahah

choco craziness

hmm.... i'm not addicted to chocolate. On the contrary, i think i should stay away from chocolate.

Never like chocolates of any sort, for those who know me well. Don't mind to have a bit occasionally....

i always tot bananas have an uncanny effect on me... but i think i should stay away from chocolates too. ....

Went crazy after the brownie cake last fri... the scary part is i've totally have no control over it. ...

It only hit me that i was not alright like the next day?! gosh... it's worse that alcohol.. at most some rashes & KO...

So dreadful.... urps...

anger

So so so so so so so so so so so so Angry with myself...

took things too lightly this sem... poor time mgmt... arrogance...

left 20mins after the exam commenced this morning...

cannot answer anything... with lack of knowledge even crapping skills failed.

puke until my guts flipped...

so pissed, so mad...

2 years of hard work down the drain... there goes my 1c or maybe 21c... maybe I'll end up with such a ordinary useless qualification... exactly like before. How Great...

Got my 1st borderline marks last sem, didn't learn the lesson.

By the time I panicked... too many unanticipated happenings impeded the planned.....

spent too much at work, on non value-adding stuff.

I'm in a constant dilemma with myself on this...
don't like the fact that work got distributed out.. yet I don't have the time or even capability perhaps to handle... too many nitty-gritty stuffs to sort.. diluted focus... poor planning... inability to multi-task....

want to excel but can't/unable... should I just don't care... need to sort out this internal doubt/struggle...

Are these reasons or excuses, i wonder... maybe i'm just not up to it... all these higher level of work or studies... i'm just a mediocre... time to end those self deceptions... hhahaha...

Inefficiencies, procrastinations, depressed... gosh... it's all coming back....i hate this.

i hate the lack of control... the lack of system in my life... i hate myself..

i sux.

Friday 13th

yet another friday the 13th...a sombre one...

my youngest uncle passed away this morning... was in the news

like my eldest uncle 2yrs back... also in the news...

life's so unfair... how can tragedy struck this family twice... lost their mum decade back... now their dad...

life sux...

stay strong, my couzs...

Whiplash effect

TMD... woke with soreness all about my body... like kenna hit by car like tt...

BUT... felt better today in terms of spirit...

Spent 2 hrs at northpoint just now (very discipline... kept to the time schedule)

- the same bus came in 3mins. (see lah, when u suay, everything is suay. see previous post)
- get to eat what i want to eat (prata sausage and cone pizza)
- bought what i want to buy (3 pairs of shoes)
- black shawl (this is just retail therapy, $10 anything lah)
- only spoiler was this cashier (code3). they put this $10 insole on the $5 rack, obviously I'll assume it is $5 right?! when i realized it was $10 when she scanned, obviously I say I dun want lah. when I return with the correct $5 one, she was giving me that pek chek look saying next time must check the pricing, if not very troublesome for her. (note: troublesome, not difficult)
*** i was completely bewildered lor. how complicated can it get to void an item??? sometimes double scan also need to void right... not that she hit the enter key already. Moreover, I'm the customer leh. Plus, I was really apologetic..... furthermore the store manager was there and she saw everything.

Learn from your manager lah... she came up to me when i went back to take the correct one and assisted me with the different kinds of the insole, how to clean them and reuse etc.... She even explained probably a customer place it wrongly and apologized that they didn't noitce it in time and hence my incovenience.

it was because of the manager that I was subtle in my reply to that cashier. I told her i was mistaken and people do made mistakes and I've already apologized. If she need to explain to the management I can verify for her. My last sentence " You don't have to give me that face, you know".

At least I didn't say the cliche one, 'I'm the customer leh, I'm always RIGHT!' hahahhahaha =)

ok.. back to info crunching....

belated Fri13th?! SUX!!!

I conclude today 28Feb09 is the unluckiest day of my life...

Woke up to find up toothbrush missing, ended up it was knocked by the mop by got stuck behind the toilet bowl... shit... throw...

Can't find my mirror

Can't find my jeans...

mental block... can't write anything for the report

saved the wrong part of my report...

SO SO SO frustrated that I slammed the table twice, kick my bed thrice!!!

waited 10mins for a bus...

got stuck beside a BO guy in the train...

got caught in this ULTRA heavy rain from dhoby ghaut to koven

shoes is giving way & i've no time to get new ones

had a lousy dinner with people that got me 'raising brows' every now and then

WORSE of the worse: slipped and fell along the pavement and landed besides the stinkin' dumpster with the whole world staring at you. how nice... -_-'''

WORSE WORSE of the worse: got nagged by the folks how I should have walked slower. this is so unjust... i was walking very slowly, intending to go to the concrete path and away from the tiled pavement cos I knew my shoes cannot make it. it was aldy squishy squashy from the rain earlier.... like I want to slip against the rubbish bin like tt.... haiz...

STUPID!!!!

I got this FUJI APPLE SIZED BUMP on my butt now.... it better subside by thursday....

can't imagine when the plane started to land..... gosh...

speaking of which.... i'm going to BKK on Thursday but I havent got a proper shoe to wear, havent pack my stuff, no toothbrush, no nice nice clothes for the agenda, no $$$

PLUS report only 30% done... need to hand in 60% for review on coming MONDAY

got lesson on on and tues

PLUS exams in 1 mth's time, with NO revision notes made or planned.

PLUS gotta read 200+ notes for an important meeting on coming MONDAY

I'm so screwed.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

WARNING: will be in extremely pesky/irritated/lousy/angsty mood this few days. if you can't help me, stay out till next week. THANK you!

lol

dearest ting, if you managed to finally figure out this blog address...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! =)

Profiling test

Was really amazed by the accuracy of Qi's result so I did one also... noticed I've this stupid 'loyalty' in me... duh... lol... maybe i should submit this to my boss so can know my style... hahaha!

At a Glance

• Works hard, puts in long hours and keeps busy with work.

• Detailed, meticulous and observant, quick to pick out abnormalities.

• Objective, but may appear detached.

• Quiet and reserved, prefers own company.

• Faithful, trustworthy and devoted in long-term relationships.

• Practical, prefers to build on ideas rather than generate them.

• Less expressive verbally.

• Needs clear and thorough instructions, slow to act when uncertain.

While at Work

Diligence and discipline are characteristics of Ms LIM's work attitude. She is often pre-occupied with the tasks at hand. As she derives satisfaction from being immersed in work and thrives on being involved, expect Ms LIM to put in long and extended hours at work.

Ms LIM is relatively dependable to deliver results on time. She may sometimes be late in meeting deadlines.

Ms LIM generally will persist with work until it is completed but may at times not complete her tasks.

Ms LIM is likely to be quality-conscious and achievement-oriented. She is motivated to produce work that is of a high standard. She is observant, quick to spot errors and critical where work is concerned. She is likely to be meticulous, careful and pre-occupied with detail.

Ms LIM is an objective person who is impartial and rational. She speaks factually and often does not involve her own feelings and emotions. She may sometimes be perceived as distant or detached.

Although Ms LIM is usually a sympathetic person, she may at times be selective about being involved in the personal problems of people.

Being a shy, quiet and reserved person, Ms LIM prefers her own company and feels awkward when meeting people for the first time. In social gatherings, she tends to stay in the background.

Ms LIM is the sort of person who forms long term bonds and attachments. She is faithful, trustworthy, and devoted in such relationships. She tends to be trusting, dedicated and protective towards those she loves. Patriotism and sense of duty is a significant aspect of her character.

Ms LIM is moderately serious about her responsibilities and selectively takes ownership of her work.

Ms LIM is moderately concerned with prestige, rank and reputation.

Ms LIM is at times able to engage people to accomplish her objectives.

Ms LIM's leadership qualities are moderate and she is sometimes able to get the support of people.

Intellectual matters do not interest Ms LIM. She is more concerned with practical issues than abstract theories. Ms LIM prefers to talk about useful and workable solutions than discuss hypotheses and concepts. She is more likely to build on ideas rather than generate them.

Ms LIM puts in effort to plan ahead some of the times. She may at times not be as detailed in her planning.

Ms LIM is not an expressive person and may have difficulty expressing her ideas, thoughts or plans. Her language ability may not be strong and she could be described as a person of few words.

Being one who needs clear and thorough instructions before she can proceed on action, Ms LIM resists when conditions are uncertain. She does not adapt easily to changes. Before she embarks on a new project, expect Ms LIM to find out more and probe deeply.

Ops!

After the previous post, I put a very angry msg on my msn. It end up attracting some concerns from friends, so I removed it. hee...heee

I'm fine already..... just couldn't take it down momentarily... lol

Although i know they won't see this, just like to thank them here.... both very unexpected but still.... it's good to know i've actually more friends than i thought...

wow.. i'm getting very virtually verbal these days... hahaha

Wrote msg on facebook also... " Jacqueline is going back to 'open eyes, open ears, close mouth'

Being expressive is just not my forte.... going back to 'shuddup' mode....

Reminder* don't be kaypoh, don't be observant, don't be curious ~ just do what i'm paid for.... shuddup.. shuddup..shuddup

sidenote: like qi, we tend to increase blogging frequency when we are bogged down by important things to do... hahhahahaha!

KNS....

I can't believe I pon the very lesson when such an important announcement was made!!!

I can't believe NO one bother to tell me!!!

I can't believe they scraped the assignment!!!

due to stupid reasons like this:

- The class in general did very averagely/badly for the part A assignment that was handed in
- This is the 1st time the class is doing a highly weighted assignment, with a short period of time.
So, our lecturer negotiated with UoB professors to drop this assignment and resumed the 100% examination based

I can't believe they scraped the assignments Lao Niang has both COMPLETED!!!!!

GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Seems like we will get the graded part A back next week, if I scored well - I'll so pisssed!!!! (though i'm as pissed now)
WHY WHY WHY do I have to be penalized for the laziness / incompetence / lackadaisical attitude / stupidity of the others, always!!!

I'm very busy one leh.... could use all the time to finish the other project!!!! SHITE...

The lecturer has no right to do this.... even if I had scored badly.
i'm not boasting... most people will fare badly in exams, with or without assignments....

shit

going bkk in 2wks time...

need to clear 4500 words by then

shit.....

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....

i'm losing hair by the thousands one per daily basis.... any sponsor for iron tablets????

diaozzz....

so much for 'lucky'....

I lost my office key... darn =(

Very stresssssssssssssss........ my excel skills sux. How to self improve?

Lucky!!!

Just 2mths ago, I won $100 by participating in the Heaven & Earth sms contest.

Today, i got a letter from DBS saying they are giving a swatch cos i'm one of the 1st 1200 to spend $1000 on my debit card??!!! Didn't even know they got this promo...

hahaha! must thank my boss for giving me so many opportunity to spend $$$

Lucky year for me!!!

btw, thank you my darling friends for the border gift card =) Like it a lot =)

Busy

When you have work, studies and home on your hands, there comes the problem of balancing and ultimately the issues of prioritizing.

Unfortunately for me, this year I've to put home responsibilities on the back seat... hoping hard that other members can rise to the occasion.

I'm unable keep an eye but i'll try to put an ear in.... lol

Alright... let me try to wrap up my hrm assignment by today....

Urgh... i need more time.

Sidenote: silently reminded myself to be careful what I wished for birthday. Last year, I wish for a smarter boss & I sort of got it?! Not sure if it's a good wish but it definitely works! Lol

Far far away?

It's so strange... even though I'm physically located nearer to school than the previous work place, I sorta distancing away from my studies...

whahhaaa... what irony.. cannot lah.. must buck up.

A bit too early to wish but i guess i more probably concuss tmr. anyway....

what i want for this year birthday is More Time, More Money!!! hahahah!

hope things go well for both my sistas...

Simply don't understand

I just don't understand...

Kids nowadays have such good life (ok, maybe minus the school pressure but hey, we got that in our generation also!!!)

But they don't appreciate it...

Whose fault is it that parental slavery exists?!

I simply don't get it....

New Year 2009

Once again, spending bulk of the first day of 2009 on mahjong

The last minute arrangement overthrown all my planning for this long hols.

Shit... can't seem to gear up for the assignment...

sianzzz

Been too much of a double standard person these days...

Plan: not to get new clothes for new year
Actual: got 2 tops, 1 pants & a pair of heels in 1day

Plan: not to eat too much
Actual: over gorge myself

Plan: to have a peaceful & normal countdown
Actual: went out for overnight mahjong

Plan: to finish my assingment
Actual: hardly any progress from the last time i started

DIE!!!!