The past few days has been a Emotionally Roller Coaster.... from shock to trauma to sorrow...
I can't take sudden departure very well... guess not many people can do that either. After tml... life goes on...
Was so glad that it was finally friday... badly in need of sleep. Even made plans to go cut hair with Sis on Sunday, tot of treating her as a b-day pressie. Who knows that we rec'd that piece of news. So sudden that i was speechless & momentarily blanked out.
Don't really want to mention the details again. Narrating the incident to my lady boss this morning still made me tearful. In short, my eldest uncle got hit by a malaysian registered motorcycle, resulting in instant death.
Life is so full of unexpected...
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
What happened to last week?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Goodness!!! it's only 1 week since my birhtday yet I feel that I've 22 for as long as i can remember. Time swooshed past me unknowingly. 3evenings for lessons & 1evening out at the library.. 1 friday night for Knock out, Saturday & Sunday are 'wash non-stop, clean the house" days & it's freaking Monday again! Oh no.. it's Tuesday already.
Not forgetting the idiotic vacuum cleaner repairman who has unshamlessly helped himself to my dinner, not once but TWICE in a week!!! Even if it was Dad who invited to eat the 1st time, you don't have to clear the dishes... to be exact... MY mum-cooked WANTAN MEE!!! & then thick-skinned-ly help yourself to the rice on day 2. TAMADE... don't let me see u or U better ask for POR BEE!
The week's activities has left me mentally drained, physically exhausted & ultimately sick. Feeling feverish today & my throat ain't great either. Got so accustomed to the whirlwind motion that a typical day kinda seems stagnent & slow today. Especially the day when u know u can go home & sleep stright from work, time doesn't seem to be moving. Sighhhhhhhhhh!!! Easy on the work next time. =(
Right now, to fully utilise my time, I'm drowning myself with MERITOCRACY & SOCIAL MOBILITY; FUNCTIONAL & CONFLICT PERSPECTIVE; GENDER INEQUALITIES and what have u.... so shity... the day i decided not to bring my books along (as it has been proven redundant the past few free days) ends up being the day I need it most. Shit!
CNY is around the corner... 25days to go exactly. The atmosphere of festive season has yet to rub on me BUT seemingly be Possessed by the associated 'Spring Cleaning"
I turned the kitchen upside down last weekend.... Spotless to the last mini cobweb hidden the the corner of the toilet. No thanks to the workers who came to renovate the stove area ONLY.
My hands are rotting...
Not to mention I started clearing & cleaning the office's stuff since the week before as it was so MESSY! Being a very organised & strutural person who studied urban geography before, I really cannot stay the wastage of SPACE!!! Erm.. I meant SPACE as in the portion or extent of this in a given instance; extent or room in three dimensions & not the Outer Space where Pluto is. Ok.. i digress.
In short, it was just messy & untidy & dusty. After days of some effort, I manage to clear up a drawer for myself lor. Heehee... yeah.. that's was the selfish reason on my part... but it's only a small drawer yah. =)
Oh yes... there's was a little commotion at the tagboard over there. HAhah! Oh well... it was just a.. erm... remark?! Haha.. afterall I haven't seen u ppl since new year. Everyone should be busy now. Hoepfully we can catch up during the super ultra long CNY holiday (4DAYS!).
till then, please do take care, including myself too!
Wah kaoz... write so long only 4.30pm nia. How to survive the remaining hr?!!! Sighhhhh
Not forgetting the idiotic vacuum cleaner repairman who has unshamlessly helped himself to my dinner, not once but TWICE in a week!!! Even if it was Dad who invited to eat the 1st time, you don't have to clear the dishes... to be exact... MY mum-cooked WANTAN MEE!!! & then thick-skinned-ly help yourself to the rice on day 2. TAMADE... don't let me see u or U better ask for POR BEE!
The week's activities has left me mentally drained, physically exhausted & ultimately sick. Feeling feverish today & my throat ain't great either. Got so accustomed to the whirlwind motion that a typical day kinda seems stagnent & slow today. Especially the day when u know u can go home & sleep stright from work, time doesn't seem to be moving. Sighhhhhhhhhh!!! Easy on the work next time. =(
Right now, to fully utilise my time, I'm drowning myself with MERITOCRACY & SOCIAL MOBILITY; FUNCTIONAL & CONFLICT PERSPECTIVE; GENDER INEQUALITIES and what have u.... so shity... the day i decided not to bring my books along (as it has been proven redundant the past few free days) ends up being the day I need it most. Shit!
CNY is around the corner... 25days to go exactly. The atmosphere of festive season has yet to rub on me BUT seemingly be Possessed by the associated 'Spring Cleaning"
I turned the kitchen upside down last weekend.... Spotless to the last mini cobweb hidden the the corner of the toilet. No thanks to the workers who came to renovate the stove area ONLY.
My hands are rotting...
Not to mention I started clearing & cleaning the office's stuff since the week before as it was so MESSY! Being a very organised & strutural person who studied urban geography before, I really cannot stay the wastage of SPACE!!! Erm.. I meant SPACE as in the portion or extent of this in a given instance; extent or room in three dimensions & not the Outer Space where Pluto is. Ok.. i digress.
In short, it was just messy & untidy & dusty. After days of some effort, I manage to clear up a drawer for myself lor. Heehee... yeah.. that's was the selfish reason on my part... but it's only a small drawer yah. =)
Oh yes... there's was a little commotion at the tagboard over there. HAhah! Oh well... it was just a.. erm... remark?! Haha.. afterall I haven't seen u ppl since new year. Everyone should be busy now. Hoepfully we can catch up during the super ultra long CNY holiday (4DAYS!).
till then, please do take care, including myself too!
Wah kaoz... write so long only 4.30pm nia. How to survive the remaining hr?!!! Sighhhhh
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Double 2
Sunday, January 14, 2007
14 Jan 2007 - 2115hrs
Gals, Thank you ALL !!!
No words can describe my JUBILATION when I saw u all at my door. Brought warmth on this cold, rainy night for the undeserving me... really really appreciate this.
Meet up soon, k?! Till then, please take care!!!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Hmm..
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Funny... my blog was 'lost' for a few days. But i was too busy to go n check it out.
It seems like it's back to proper function now... think many will tot I close down after the previous previous entry. *shrugzzz*
So weird. So much for Technology....
Guess.. i never learn my lesson. I always make a big entrance then exit sneakily, leaving the mess behind. It's just never my forte to clear up my own mess. This is a result of failure to anticipate the consequences. Sometimes, my foresight allow me to plan for miles. Sometimes, I just forgot to consider. Impulse.
Hmm... to quote LL. Small crisis. Which I interpret it as 'deal with it when the time arrives'.
Maybe.. who knows... we don't really have to do much after all. But, it's just not the time now. Besides, to intently create an opporunity to resolve just sounds too awkward to me. Besides, experiences shows that it won't work.
Let nature takes its course lah.
or just take it as 疯人疯语...
It seems like it's back to proper function now... think many will tot I close down after the previous previous entry. *shrugzzz*
So weird. So much for Technology....
Guess.. i never learn my lesson. I always make a big entrance then exit sneakily, leaving the mess behind. It's just never my forte to clear up my own mess. This is a result of failure to anticipate the consequences. Sometimes, my foresight allow me to plan for miles. Sometimes, I just forgot to consider. Impulse.
Hmm... to quote LL. Small crisis. Which I interpret it as 'deal with it when the time arrives'.
Maybe.. who knows... we don't really have to do much after all. But, it's just not the time now. Besides, to intently create an opporunity to resolve just sounds too awkward to me. Besides, experiences shows that it won't work.
Let nature takes its course lah.
or just take it as 疯人疯语...
Monday, January 01, 2007
21st years
Monday, January 01, 2007
The hoohaa over 21st birthdays has been over-rated & exaggerated!
By my 21st, I
- have less than 2K to my name
- got almost no friends
- have no substantial qualifications to speak of
- from 1st in class during my 1st year of academic life dropped to bottom in college
- grow from fat to fatter
- look from at least photogenic to haggard looking
- got myself ostracised
- segregate myself, as a result
- went into hiding for almost a year.
- turned from leader to loser
- was victimised financially
- don't have a single normal relationship
- been through depression & not sure if i'm out of it
- Planned my death almost everyday for months.
- attempted once but failed, obviously
- Plunged myself into all sorts of crappy jobs
- run away from jobs
- want to sleep 24/7
- put myself into self denial
- suffered from iron deficiency
- got everyone to hate me
- problems to communicate verbally
- hate myself more & more
- realised I'm a fool
- from ease studying to struggling with school work
- doubt myself
- never did anything right
- becoming forgetful
- stop making decisions
- Giving up on myself
- lacking interest in everything
- felt like shit, still feeling this way
- live like a zombie
- wonder what am I doing?
- Still thinking what to do?
- Trying not to do anything
- accepted my fate
- won't be able to break out of this vicious cycle
Life is Great, isn't it?!
By my 21st, I
- have less than 2K to my name
- got almost no friends
- have no substantial qualifications to speak of
- from 1st in class during my 1st year of academic life dropped to bottom in college
- grow from fat to fatter
- look from at least photogenic to haggard looking
- got myself ostracised
- segregate myself, as a result
- went into hiding for almost a year.
- turned from leader to loser
- was victimised financially
- don't have a single normal relationship
- been through depression & not sure if i'm out of it
- Planned my death almost everyday for months.
- attempted once but failed, obviously
- Plunged myself into all sorts of crappy jobs
- run away from jobs
- want to sleep 24/7
- put myself into self denial
- suffered from iron deficiency
- got everyone to hate me
- problems to communicate verbally
- hate myself more & more
- realised I'm a fool
- from ease studying to struggling with school work
- doubt myself
- never did anything right
- becoming forgetful
- stop making decisions
- Giving up on myself
- lacking interest in everything
- felt like shit, still feeling this way
- live like a zombie
- wonder what am I doing?
- Still thinking what to do?
- Trying not to do anything
- accepted my fate
- won't be able to break out of this vicious cycle
Life is Great, isn't it?!
2007
The most ridiculous, absurb sounding & ironic staement of the year - Happy New Year
Last 2 hrs of 2006... Got this feeling the gathering was a wrong decision
2 hrs into 2007 - Indeed a bad choice made
Began the year with the wrong foot, this year is highly unlikely to be a GREAT year. Contrary to the belief, it was not the money issue... really.
It's when you realised people never learn to be punctual at least once, consistently make people wait for you & almost take that for granted. Looking meekly apologetic doesn't work everytime, especially if you do it almost EVERYTIME! It gets really frustrating! Despite years of 'feedbacks', situation didn't change. [For me, I rather you tell me 2hrs before the meeting time that you will be late than U make me wait for an hour! Goodness, have some time management concept. U make thing easier for yourself w/o having to make mad dash & push people's limit.] Seriously, i'm not being mean. Just that this kind of behaviour will seriously handicapp yourself in the future. Oh... I forgot, good looking people always get their ways around. Duh... We are not asking you to do it for us, it's for yourself.
It's when you realised people never learn to show graciousness because of the human selfish & competitive nature, even to people they proclaim dearly. How ironical. Come on, I always thought winning & losing is secondary, what's important is we get to gather. But it's getting more & more meaningless, 有名无实. People get worked up over petty cash or issues! The factors that once binded us has faded, now what's left is an empty shell. Just mere struggling to keep it going for the sake of keeping it going.
It's when you realised people never learn to consider other people's feelings & insisted her drama-mama & almighty ideas on people through insensitive and tactless ways, triumphing her seemingly good fortune & acsension to upper class; all under the illusion that her intentions are for the general good & ways of showing concern. To the degree of interferring other's social circle, whom people she had never come in contact & blatantly assumed her perceptions. It's freakingly obnoxious. Goodness... just because people made mistakes once doesn't mean they make mistakes all the time! You might not realise it but you are actually putting people down al the time. I appreciate the concern you shown to me during my depression times, but one thing I never really told you is you had actually created additional pressure on me then from your good intentions of "you should do this & that". I'm sorry but I have to say this. I knew you meant well but it just express the wrong way.
By 0400hrs, my inner thoughts alarmed me this is the final straw! I admit that it's very easy to push my buttons but I had always keep it well under control. Yesterday's outburst was considered mild, judging that it was accumulated anger. My limits has been pushed to the extreme! I thought I would flared at them, flipped the table & slammed the door before I go. Probably due to I don't really have a chance to do it. It was really very disheartening. Given the choice to decide again, I will still leave or maybe won't attend at all if I knew he was coming. I had initially mentioned that I don't want to go but it was his presume absence (lack of 1 player will be) that I agreed.
It was too much to hold, though I admit exhaustion & hunger play a part too but not much. Even after the 45mins walk home, I can still feel the heat within me. No amount of ice green tea & water can subside. I know I'll be the topic of converastion after my departure. If the conclusion was i'm the sore loser, please think carefully again to see who was the one who has no players' character. I'm not saying i'm a saint or trying to justify for my actions last night. Yes, I did display my anger & displeased. This is undeniable. What I'm trying to get across is make people understand what are the real issues. It's time to lay it all out rather than brooding it and let it go year after year. I'm sure everyone has their accumulated anger because we always discuss it in 3s. When can we ever put the "pride" issue aside and resolve this once and for all?
Please don't say everything is alright or there's nothing wrong & push the issues aside in our self denial. The recurrences of the same issues will be more than you all can handled.
Life is series of lessons. It will continue to hit you until U learn from it.
I hold responsibility to my own words for this is my blog. I'm expecting to left with nothing after this entry. I don't blame anyone & I'm used to it. If this is the result, it just shows that this is meant to be. No point forcing ourselves to struggle with additional inconveniences. Sometimes, it's better to cut it clean than leave it hanging there. I'm the bad guy but it's definitely better than the mentally straining & tortuous 'sandwiched' guy. . .
Disclaimer: This entry was written with residual anger & almost on impluse nature. There's a possibility that the 'personal attacks' might be magnified & main objective be neglected by the non-involves. If this point has view has been set, there's nothing I can do.
做人真的好难! 我只是一个平凡的人，为什么过个简简单单，宁宁静静 的人生都这么难？
I love you girls
but sometimes, circumstances & personalities just make it so difficult.
Last 2 hrs of 2006... Got this feeling the gathering was a wrong decision
2 hrs into 2007 - Indeed a bad choice made
Began the year with the wrong foot, this year is highly unlikely to be a GREAT year. Contrary to the belief, it was not the money issue... really.
It's when you realised people never learn to be punctual at least once, consistently make people wait for you & almost take that for granted. Looking meekly apologetic doesn't work everytime, especially if you do it almost EVERYTIME! It gets really frustrating! Despite years of 'feedbacks', situation didn't change. [For me, I rather you tell me 2hrs before the meeting time that you will be late than U make me wait for an hour! Goodness, have some time management concept. U make thing easier for yourself w/o having to make mad dash & push people's limit.] Seriously, i'm not being mean. Just that this kind of behaviour will seriously handicapp yourself in the future. Oh... I forgot, good looking people always get their ways around. Duh... We are not asking you to do it for us, it's for yourself.
It's when you realised people never learn to show graciousness because of the human selfish & competitive nature, even to people they proclaim dearly. How ironical. Come on, I always thought winning & losing is secondary, what's important is we get to gather. But it's getting more & more meaningless, 有名无实. People get worked up over petty cash or issues! The factors that once binded us has faded, now what's left is an empty shell. Just mere struggling to keep it going for the sake of keeping it going.
It's when you realised people never learn to consider other people's feelings & insisted her drama-mama & almighty ideas on people through insensitive and tactless ways, triumphing her seemingly good fortune & acsension to upper class; all under the illusion that her intentions are for the general good & ways of showing concern. To the degree of interferring other's social circle, whom people she had never come in contact & blatantly assumed her perceptions. It's freakingly obnoxious. Goodness... just because people made mistakes once doesn't mean they make mistakes all the time! You might not realise it but you are actually putting people down al the time. I appreciate the concern you shown to me during my depression times, but one thing I never really told you is you had actually created additional pressure on me then from your good intentions of "you should do this & that". I'm sorry but I have to say this. I knew you meant well but it just express the wrong way.
By 0400hrs, my inner thoughts alarmed me this is the final straw! I admit that it's very easy to push my buttons but I had always keep it well under control. Yesterday's outburst was considered mild, judging that it was accumulated anger. My limits has been pushed to the extreme! I thought I would flared at them, flipped the table & slammed the door before I go. Probably due to I don't really have a chance to do it. It was really very disheartening. Given the choice to decide again, I will still leave or maybe won't attend at all if I knew he was coming. I had initially mentioned that I don't want to go but it was his presume absence (lack of 1 player will be) that I agreed.
It was too much to hold, though I admit exhaustion & hunger play a part too but not much. Even after the 45mins walk home, I can still feel the heat within me. No amount of ice green tea & water can subside. I know I'll be the topic of converastion after my departure. If the conclusion was i'm the sore loser, please think carefully again to see who was the one who has no players' character. I'm not saying i'm a saint or trying to justify for my actions last night. Yes, I did display my anger & displeased. This is undeniable. What I'm trying to get across is make people understand what are the real issues. It's time to lay it all out rather than brooding it and let it go year after year. I'm sure everyone has their accumulated anger because we always discuss it in 3s. When can we ever put the "pride" issue aside and resolve this once and for all?
Please don't say everything is alright or there's nothing wrong & push the issues aside in our self denial. The recurrences of the same issues will be more than you all can handled.
Life is series of lessons. It will continue to hit you until U learn from it.
I hold responsibility to my own words for this is my blog. I'm expecting to left with nothing after this entry. I don't blame anyone & I'm used to it. If this is the result, it just shows that this is meant to be. No point forcing ourselves to struggle with additional inconveniences. Sometimes, it's better to cut it clean than leave it hanging there. I'm the bad guy but it's definitely better than the mentally straining & tortuous 'sandwiched' guy. . .
Disclaimer: This entry was written with residual anger & almost on impluse nature. There's a possibility that the 'personal attacks' might be magnified & main objective be neglected by the non-involves. If this point has view has been set, there's nothing I can do.
做人真的好难! 我只是一个平凡的人，为什么过个简简单单，宁宁静静 的人生都这么难？
I love you girls
but sometimes, circumstances & personalities just make it so difficult.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
