Denial

So... I am suppose to identify and recognize my own feelings. I always choose to avoid and suppress them, which is why I am like that now...

Am reading this now http://www.mkprojects.com/fa_emotions.html

"The following are a few examples of the methods people use to avoid feeling their emotions.

• Ignoring your feelings
• Pretending something hasn’t happened
• Overeating
• Eating foods loaded with sugar and fat
• Excessive drinking of alcohol
• Excessive use of recreational drugs
• Using prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or Prozac
• Exercising compulsively
• Any type of compulsive behavior
• Excessive sex with or without a partner
• Always keeping busy so you can’t feel
• Constant intellectualizing and analyzing
• Excessive reading or TV
• Working Excessively
• Keeping conversations superficial
• Burying angry emotions under the mask of peace and love"

I am guilty for all of the above almost...

But somehow... I feel I am subconsciously rejecting recovery. I feel I don't deserve to be happy... it's so strange...

T was suggesting I may have feelings for him that I am not recognizing or hiding it. Am I? I don't even know... what is it like to like/love someone?
The fact that my heart ache every time he disappoints me or upset him unnecessary?!

Can I be emotionless? Again, another extreme approach that is unrealistic.

The root - could be the environment that I grew it in make me so oppressed?