anger

So so so so so so so so so so so so Angry with myself...

took things too lightly this sem... poor time mgmt... arrogance...

left 20mins after the exam commenced this morning...

cannot answer anything... with lack of knowledge even crapping skills failed.

puke until my guts flipped...

so pissed, so mad...

2 years of hard work down the drain... there goes my 1c or maybe 21c... maybe I'll end up with such a ordinary useless qualification... exactly like before. How Great...

Got my 1st borderline marks last sem, didn't learn the lesson.

By the time I panicked... too many unanticipated happenings impeded the planned.....

spent too much at work, on non value-adding stuff.

I'm in a constant dilemma with myself on this...
don't like the fact that work got distributed out.. yet I don't have the time or even capability perhaps to handle... too many nitty-gritty stuffs to sort.. diluted focus... poor planning... inability to multi-task....

want to excel but can't/unable... should I just don't care... need to sort out this internal doubt/struggle...

Are these reasons or excuses, i wonder... maybe i'm just not up to it... all these higher level of work or studies... i'm just a mediocre... time to end those self deceptions... hhahaha...

Inefficiencies, procrastinations, depressed... gosh... it's all coming back....i hate this.

i hate the lack of control... the lack of system in my life... i hate myself..

i sux.